Remember that classmate of yours at school who was the best looking in the year and knew it? Remember how they rubbed your face in their good looks, day after day? And the harder they tried, the less attractive they became in your eyes. Until their vanity became more or less repellent to you. Meet Christiano Ronaldo.
We appear to have sired a repugnant global generation that is utterly obsessed with their own appearance and spend as much time as they possibly can admiring it. I suppose you have to expect it in Big Brother. After all, these people have volunteered to be televised 24 hours a day. The kids they bang up in the BB house have such scant life experience that they have little to talk about but their hair, their make-up and working out at the gym.
That doesn’t, however, make it any easier to watch. These specimens are physically unable to walk past a mirror without looking into it – unable to have a conversation or boil an egg without the statutory David Brent-like glance to camera. Even the fat ones seem to enjoy looking at their own reflections.
But don’t we expect more of our sporting heroes? During Euro 2012 the lovingly preened and fragrantly oiled footballers of every country appeared obsessed with watching themselves on the big screens in the stadium. None of them seemed to be able to go more than twenty seconds without a quick sideways glance at the big screen to see how great they were looking at that particular moment in close up.
Mario Balotelli, not satisfied with mere face-posing, even managed to take off his shirt at one point so that the cameras could hungrily devour his rippling muscles and grotesquely pumped up guns.
But the worst offender by far was Christiano Ronaldo, who quite literally could not take his eyes off himself. Clearly this is a man who is so sick with self love that he needs to be checked into a clinic for treatment. I suggest 6 weeks at the Betty Ford, locked in a room with all the mirrors painted black.
Ronaldo, although a brilliant athlete, is a desperately poor example for our children. Because we all know that there is nothing quite so unattractive as vanity.